The Stark & Stormy Daniels Sangria
Stormy Daniels has become a headline grabbing, whistle blower set on bringing down the POTUS. To honour this bad ass rebel, I’ve created a sangria recipe perfect for summer BBQs, unannounced FBI raids, and covering up the bad taste Trump can leave in your mouth.
What you’ll need:
A punch bowl, ice, orange juice, white rum, vodka, red wine, peach soda, mint, an orange, a Forbes Magazine, a spoon
- Start by adding ice to your punch bowl. Just like The Donald’s presidency, this drink is on the rocks.
- Add 6 shots of a white rum, full of body, just like Ms. Daniels. Convince the rum to get into the bowl by offering it a spot on Celebrity Apprentice.
- Next, add 3 cups of orange juice to the bowl. Choose the dullest juice you can find, preferably full of pulp, artificially coloured, and willing to cheat on its wife after she’s just given birth. It should also have trouble saying Puerto Rico.
- Now that the orange juice is awkwardly spread over the rum, take a spoon and blend them together. Remember, spooning leads to forking! The rum will probably fake it.
- Now add half a bottle of dry red wine to the bowl, representing the cries of Republicans claiming fake news. If you prefer the wine be white, that’s alt right.
- Just for kicks, add 6 shots of Russian vodka to the mix. This might seem unnecessary but they’re probably involved somehow. Mmm, that’s some good collusion.
- As your ingredients settle, lets prepare some garnish. Take your orange and spank it lightly using a Forbes Magazine. Follow this by asking the orange if you remind them of their daughter. Next, cut the oranges into thin slices and toss them into your bowl. Let them float around like the number of lawsuits filed against the Donald.
- For the big finale, add a cup of peach soda infused with sprigs of mint. As you pour it into the bowl, be sure to yell “IN PEACH MINT, IN!”
- Now that your sangria is fully mixed and garnished, let it sit for 60 Minutes with Anderson Cooper. If you don’t have access to the real Anderson Cooper, a head shot will suffice.