Heroine’s Big Mac-aroni & Cheese


Here’s a meal that’s happier than you! I came up with this recipe while babysitting my cousins who argued over what they wanted for dinner. This meal is not only flavourful and fun to make at home, but it’ll also help you avoid the sight of clowns. Did I mention my cousins are 19 and 21?

What you’ll need:

• 2 packs of ground beef   •Mayonnaise   •Sweet relish   • 6 dill pickles   • 1 white onion   • Cheddar cheese powder   • A head of lettuce   • French dressing   • White vinegar    •2 bags of macaroni pasta   • Garlic powder   • Olive oil   • 1 stick of salted butter   • Cooking spray   • A brick of cheddar cheese

To make things easier than a trip to the gynecologist, prep your ingredients ahead of time.

  • Step 1: Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees F
  • Step 2: Chop up 6 large dill pickles into thin slices. Fight the urge to suck on them whole and place in a small bowl once cut.
  • Step 3: Get ready to cry and dice up one whole white onion. Kill two birds with one stone and think about the last time you were dumped and the emotional baggage it has left you with. Once done, add to a separate bowl from the pickles.
  • Step 4: Cut your lettuce into quarters. Place a cheese grater in a bowl and run the lettuce side to side until shredded like wheat. While it’s out, use the grater on your block of cheddar cheese and let it fall right into your lettuce bowl. Leave 1/4 of the block in tact for later.
  • Step 5: Make your Mac sauce. You might think you just have to leave a bottle of Thousand Islands dressing out in the sun, but you’d be as wrong as a Republican.

Mac Sauce

  • 4 cups of mayonnaise. You can use light, if you’re health conscious. But if you’re making this recipe, chances are you’re not.
  • 8 tea spoons of sweet relish.
  • 1 tbl spoon of white vinegar
  • 4 table spoons of French salad dressing
  • 1 teaspoon of sugar
  • 1/8 salt

Mix that up and have a taste. Good, right?  If you feel like it needs more of a certain ingredient, than do as you wish. You didn’t listen to your guidance councilor so why should you listen to me?

  • Step 6: Prep time is over! Set your stove top to medium high and coat your frying pan with half a stick of salted butter. Like universal health care, you want a good, even coverage.
  • Step 7: Add in two packs of ground beef to your pan. Yes you heard that correctly. Beef! No mystery meat here. You’ll have to download Tinder for that.
  • Step 8: As old Bessie begins to sizzle, dash some garlic powder into the mix. This will give the meat some extra flavour and help you ward off vampires. Cook for about 10-15 minutes or until it’s no longer red. Set your meat aside and cover to keep its temperature.
  • Step 9: Take a large pot and fill it 3/4 of the way with water. Add a teaspoon of salt, a splash of olive oil, and cover. Place the pot on the burner and set the stove top to high. You’ll want it to be anywhere between Nicole Richie driving on the freeway to Courtney Love during all of the 90’s, high.
  • Step 10: Once your water has come to a boil, add in two bags of macaroni pasta. Cook on high for 9-12 minutes. Check the pasta’s starchiness by throwing it against the wall. If it sticks, turn off your stove top. Be sure to frame the noodle and call it art for your guests to enjoy.
  • Step 11: Strain your pasta and then add it back into the pot to begin mixing. Add 1 1/2 cups of cheddar cheese powder and slowly work it in, like asking for a loan from relatives during Thanksgiving dinner conversation. If you want more powder, then add it cannoli. I’m not your mother; I won’t judge your choices in life.
  • Step 12: As my ex use to say: it’s time to throw the meat in! Mix in the ground beef thoroughly. While you’re stirring, add in the diced onions from earlier.
  • Step 13: Take your Mac sauce and add a few spoon fulls. Don’t add it all at once! You want to ensure every noodle gets a little bit of that deliciousness!
  • Step 14: Grab a 13×19 disposable cooking tray and spritz it with some cooking spray.
  • Step 15: Start adding in your mixed macaroni and make an even layer in the pan. Place on top of this a hefty amount of neatly placed sliced pickles, followed by the shredded lettuce and cheese mixture. Repeat this step until you reach the top of the tray.
  • Step 16: With everything in place, grate the remaining cheddar cheese directly over your macaroni.
  • Step 17: By now your oven should be at the perfect temperature for baking! Place the tray inside and let it cook for 45 minutes. When complete, let it sit to cool for 5-10 minutes before serving.

And there you have it: two of the best hangover meals combined. I’m loving it!