Tip #4: Bring a gift. Whether it’s flowers, a re-gifted Christmas candle, or homemade macaroni art, gifts are a pleasant way of saying “Thanks for the free food and booze!”
Tip #21: Always arrive on time, never early. Trust me on this; people don’t forget. My mother still holds my sister’s premature birth over her head in arguments.
Tip #51: Be thankful of everything your host offers, whether it be a beverage, appetizer, or alibi.
Tip #38: Be social and mingle with the other guests during cocktail hour. The host’s dog doesn’t count.
Tip #76: DON’T TOUCH ANY REMOTES!
Tip #62: Prepare fun anecdotes in advance to trickle into conversation with other party guests. How you contracted your last STD isn’t a wise topic of choice.
Tip #15: Offer to help the host whenever you can. You can assist with bringing platters to the table, folding the linen napkins, or providing interior decorating suggestions to improve their home.
Tip #48: If you smoke, plan ahead and figure out where you can dispose of your butts. Their lawn or flower planters are not recommended. Also, pack a small fragrance sample in your pocket or purse to cover up the smell of your regretful addiction.
Tip #29: Volunteer to help clear the dishes by asking the other guests if they would like to see a magic trick using the table cloth.
Tip #31: Don’t wear crocs. EVER. If you own a pair, throw them out and thank me later.